Happy New Year everybody! A new year marks another opportunity for self-betterment. 2019 has just begun, but winter break is about to end. Oh, well. If the break was a week or two longer the time spent would not feel as precious.

The 2018 winter break will definitely go into the books as one of the greatest. The first half of break was LIBERATING. Christmas Eve, Christmas, the first day of New Orleans–those days felt amazing. I had been so engrossed in the jumble of junior year that I forgot what it was like to not be a frazzled student–to not constantly have reminders stacked up on my home screen, to not leaf through my beaten up planner every few minutes, to not worry about completing ten thousand different assignments. I got to relish in taking a day trip to New York City and visiting New Orleans without worrying about anything school-related. This was the first time that I did not have to worry about anything school-related. In other years, there was always something looming over my head, but this year, there was absolutely nothing, which is strange because junior year is the most hectic year of all of high school. Either I have finally learned to de-stress, or I am just blind to the dooms that are heading my way.

I would rather think that I finally am able to de-stress and let my troubles sit temporarily. It is true that when you let the things that bother you sit for a little while, they are not as menacing as they seemed when you revisit them. This week I pondered about this and concluded that most of my stresses stem from schoolwork. This seems petty, but I guess when you are living the AP life that is just the case :/. We have to make do for what we have set ourselves up for because after all, we chose to do this to ourselves. This winter break I have also realized more that I am not a robot that can withstand the junior year grind forever. We are all living beings and too much pressure will break us. Some of us are already subjected to insanely unhealthy amounts of pressure, and hopefully this break has alleviated some of that.

Starting on the second day of the New Orleans vacation, the feeling of liberation began to fade. The veil between the nice sheltered life of break and the junior year grind was becoming less prominent, and I found myself worrying about the stressful month of January to come (because oh my, January is going to be so JAM PACKED.) That is the wrong way to think, though, because why think about something that did not even occur yet when you can still be savoring the days of break you’ve got left?

At the beginning of break, I wrote down a whole list of things I wanted to accomplish, mostly boring academic stuff. It turns out that I got less than half of it done. Nobody wants to do anything school related over break, I guess. Now that break is over and I’ve spent a bit of time reflecting over this past week, I do think I spent every moment doing something useful even though I didn’t complete my list. Sounds cheesy, but I think it is true. Even though I did not finish reading The Great Gatsby (I actually ripped the front cover in half by accident today, and I was supposed to finish reading if before break, but my English teacher will probably never come across this page so it’s all good), I spent two entire days with family members I do not see often, I spent a few hours alone trying to slow down my life and reflecting on what the heck I have done this year, and like I said above, I took an A1 trip to New Orleans.  During this winter break, I finally found the perfect balance between self-reflection/betterment and spending quality time with friends and family. This is not really a task you can write in a planner and check off–it just kind of happens. When this does happen, there is an inexplicable feeling of self-accomplishment and joy that you cannot achieve by checking a box off of a planner.

Cheers to 2019. Let’s make it AWESOME.

Katie